So I’ve been out of the office for three weeks on maternity leave. While I miss what I do and the family I work with, this has been an incredible time of learning and growing and re-evaluating my life, my passions, my ministry goals, and my relationships.

Being out has forced me to take my hands off the many things I thought I had to do. In so doing, it has allowed others (namely, my student leaders) to explore their passions, to lead, and to find joy in serving and doing the things that I held on to. It’s also forced me to take a step back and realize that I had very much identified myself and derived self-worth from what I could do rather than Whose I am. I’m not sure who I was trying to impress, but I’m learning to just BE with God, and BE with my family, instead of DOING all the time.

It’s also forced me to see that up until this point, I was really neglecting what should have been my first ministry: my marriage. And with the new element of parenthood in the mix now, I have to be more and more purposeful about valuing my husband through my time, my schedule, and my actions. God has blessed us even through what seemed like terrible circumstances (Chris broke his arm on Mother’s Day and has been off of work on disability since then); we’ve had lots of time together and with our little girl, and it’s allowed a clean start to put some very foundational things in place for each other.

When it comes specifically to youth ministry, this time away is giving me a chance to redefine what my role looks like, to have more clarity about the few things God is really asking me to do. My heart is breaking anew for hurting kids, and it is pulsating with passion for our student leaders and their relationship with the Lord. I feel strongly that mentoring a student is a new direction that God is asking me to put some time into. I’ve mentored before, but it’s never been a priority to me or to the student who asked me to do it, so a true relationship hasn’t been built. But knowing I can’t touch every kid also instills in me a new responsibility to step up and lead other adults who can. This has been an area where I’ve had insecurities in the past, but I’m ready to cast those aside now.

Lastly, my absence has allowed me to step away for a while and really look from the outside-in again at Celebrate and ministry. Sometimes when you’re so close to something, you lose your ability to really see it and appreciate it. I’d allowed myself to get so caught up in my to-do lists and day-to-day tasks that I lost sight of the vision and reason behind it. Looking at it now, I am so grateful for my family there. I’m so blessed by the leadership. And I’m on fire again for the vision: reaching thousands for Christ. There’s not another place like Celebrate in the whole world, and I’m humbled and honored that God has called me to be a part of something so amazing. Not only does gratitude flow anew from my heart, but the responsibility I have to steward my gifts and bring my A-game weighs on my shoulders. Complacency is not an option. I think of a scene from Facing the Giants that we’ve used many times in youth ministry:

“I want God to bless this team so much people will talk about what He did. But it means we gotta give Him our best in every area. And if we win, we praise Him. And if we lose, we praise Him. Either way we honor Him with our actions and our attitudes. So I’m askin’ you… What are you living for? I resolve to give God everything I’ve got, then I’ll leave the results up to Him.”